This is one of those stories that you tell in confidence that your listener won't tell anyone.
But I am going to post it on the world wide web.
Why?
Because it is my job to entertain you. That is what this blog is for. Plus if i laugh at my own misfortune it makes it less painful! :) (Single tear slides down my cheek.) Besides this is too funny to keep quiet.
I started my first job the day after I turned 16. Chick-Fil-A was a wonderful place to work! Especially for a first job. I worked behind the register, in the kitchen, and even in the drive through. Of all of these duties, however, being the Chick-Fil-A cow is probably the most interesting and memorable.
Every Tuesday we had Kid's Night. All of the families would get a free 4 piece kids meal with the purchase of a combo, and I played with the snotty nosed children. Oh no I loved the children! They just literally had snotty noses. Anyways, I would dance and play with the kids and bond and all of that preciousness for about 2 or 3 hours. Afterwards I either went home or changed into my work clothes to finish the night shift.
My good friend Daniel and I had great times at CFA. This night in particular I had just gotten out of the cow suit and was standing in the back in my T-shirt and gym shorts. Daniel had recently introduced me to the movie MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL. (Love.) So we were both talking about our favorite parts and were discussing and acting out the funny parts. Well it was time for me to put on my work clothes and Daniel had to pee so we both headed to the bathroom.
The bathroom in CFA is nice but its one of those smaller bathrooms. It has one urinal and one stall for when you have the poopsies. And a sink. But that's irrelevant so I wont put it in the post.
I headed directly into the stall as Daniel went to answer mother nature's call. We continued our conversation of course as I began to undress. Suddenly I noticed Daniel left without saying anything. He had thought I didn't notice and was just going to leave me in the bathroom talking to myself. Well I saw right through his little plan! So I stopped talking.
I wonder if any of you have heard the song "Truly Scrumptious" from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I LOVED that movie as a child. My cousin Shay and I used to watch it all of the time at Mawmaw's house. Well for some odd reason that song was in my head. And it had no reason to be! I had not seen or heard that song in YEARS but it just happened to have plopped into my head at that moment. So I started singing it. (At the time I did not realize it.) Not like normal singing either. I sang it like a woman. EXACTLY like the girl in the movie. Why? Because I'm Skylar. Don't judge. (You can judge.) I also happened to have the toots. So I'm in the CFA stall alone singing "Truuuulyyy Scrumptious!" and letting some fly. (Classy I know.)
After I finished changing I used the restroom and opened the stall to wash my hands. A man was waiting on the stall so I smiled and nodded at him as I turned on the sink. As he closed the door to the stall behind him I began washing my hands.
This was my thought process as I was washing my hands:
...
"I wonder how long that guy had been standing there."
...
"Wait.. was I.. singing?"
...
"Noo."
...
"Wait I actually may have been singing..."
...
"It was "Truly Scrumptious"!
...
"Oh my gosh! I passed gas too!"
...
"Twice!"
...
"WHILE I WAS SINGING "Truly Scrumptious"!!!!"
...
"Calm down. Maybe he just walked in."
...
I was safe. Surely he had just walked in. I hurriedly left the bathroom to tell Daniel about my close call, but he was laughing before I even opened my mouth. I eyed him. I asked him what was so funny? He said he had left me alone in the bathroom with that random man so that I would just keep talking to him about Monty Python...
......... I cannot explain to you...... the emotions that I felt....
A sound that I had never made in my life escaped my mouth and my eyes snapped open in shock. My face turned blood red as I realized what I had just done. I told Daniel what had ACTUALLY happened and he could not breathe.
I stayed in the back until I was sure that man had left.
I just want you to hear what this man had heard when he was trying to take a completely normal trip to a public restroom.
He walks in, sees that someone is in the stall and hears this....
(To get the full effect, fast forward to 2:02 because this is the part I was singing!)
COMBINED WITH FLATULENT SOUNDS!
So embarrassing. Now I have a story to tell and I have told it. I just hope this doesn't bite me in the butt.
After I finished changing I used the restroom and opened the stall to wash my hands. A man was waiting on the stall so I smiled and nodded at him as I turned on the sink. As he closed the door to the stall behind him I began washing my hands.
This was my thought process as I was washing my hands:
...
"I wonder how long that guy had been standing there."
...
"Wait.. was I.. singing?"
...
"Noo."
...
"Wait I actually may have been singing..."
...
"It was "Truly Scrumptious"!
...
"Oh my gosh! I passed gas too!"
...
"Twice!"
...
"WHILE I WAS SINGING "Truly Scrumptious"!!!!"
...
"Calm down. Maybe he just walked in."
...
I was safe. Surely he had just walked in. I hurriedly left the bathroom to tell Daniel about my close call, but he was laughing before I even opened my mouth. I eyed him. I asked him what was so funny? He said he had left me alone in the bathroom with that random man so that I would just keep talking to him about Monty Python...
......... I cannot explain to you...... the emotions that I felt....
A sound that I had never made in my life escaped my mouth and my eyes snapped open in shock. My face turned blood red as I realized what I had just done. I told Daniel what had ACTUALLY happened and he could not breathe.
I stayed in the back until I was sure that man had left.
I just want you to hear what this man had heard when he was trying to take a completely normal trip to a public restroom.
He walks in, sees that someone is in the stall and hears this....
(To get the full effect, fast forward to 2:02 because this is the part I was singing!)
COMBINED WITH FLATULENT SOUNDS!
So embarrassing. Now I have a story to tell and I have told it. I just hope this doesn't bite me in the butt.
2 comments:
I think you've told me this before.
Ohmygosh. I was still dying the whole time I was reading this. That's so funny! :DDDD
WOW only you would do this
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